The act of confession.
This blog is suppose to be a place where I expose my heart, so maybe I should try and do that every so often.
This week has been really weird. I think I am beginning to hit walls…finally running into the very things that I have been trying to run away from. and it sucks.
But deep inside my heart I have known that I needed this to happen. I have been running from and avoiding myself for so long though, that it hurts to stare straight at all my junk. And then, taking it one step further, it is a really hard thing to actually admit to anyone exactly what I am feeling and where I am spiritually/emotionally.
To admit that I need community desperately.
To admit that I am finding myself thrown into a confusing place, which is sort of scary territory to be in once again.
And then to admit that I feel distant from God…and that I miss him a lot. I would do anything and go anywhere if it meant I could find him once again.
Confessing all that is hard. Its sooo hard, because everything in me is screaming to run and push away. But to open my mouth and admit those things to a sister anyways is very freeing at the same time. Because I am not carrying it alone anymore.
Yeah, I dont have it together one bit right now. I have cried and cried today.
I don’t care if this post makes sense. Im not even going to edit it.
This is just me being vulnerable, in the broken state that I’m in, hoping that God will show up.
I got your blog address on facebook…….I’d love to listen and pray with you. Your “confession” could have been/be me any number of times in my walk with (and sometimes run..to..away..from..to) the Lord. This seems to be a season of personal confrontation for many if not most believers in the Lord. I think He wants us to get REALLY real with ourselves, with each other and with Him. Times are scarey and hard and this could just be the tip of the iceburg, but if we commune together we/He could tip the iceburg. I love my little 24/7 friend and her vulnerability blesses me. We are supposed to be vulnerable and let the light both in and out…then darkness can’t dwell where we are. I will email you my numbers, call anytime. Nancy